9 days ago life was average.
8 days ago one of my closest friends was in a car accident that many thought would be fatal.
7 days ago that friend was taken off of life support, and he was still living.
6 days ago that same friend was only on a breathing machine, which was just helpin' him out a bit.
5 days ago he started moving around and responding to commands like "squeeze my hand", and "raise your arm"
4 days ago he was taken completely off of the things that were helping him breathe, and he was doing it all on his own, he held my hand, and shooshed me and a friend as we were singing to him. :)
3 days ago he continued making major progress.
2 days ago things started to go downhill..
And yesterday, things got worse. His fever was up dangerously high, along with his heart rate. He wasn't moving much at all, and they found an infection in his central line and they planned to do a procedure today to insert a feeding tube.
Today they were unable to do the procedure because of the infection. He played thumb wars with our youth leader. His fever and heart rate stayed in a stable place. And he was moving around, a lot.
BUT, through all of this. He has been in a coma. Crazy, right? A boy in a coma is responding to commands, shooshing us while we sing to him, doing sign language, and playing thumb wars with our youth leader..
Before last Sunday, my passion for God had faded. I had no desire to read the Bible, or even encourage others to believe. I was not believing. My faith had faded so much over the past couple months.. And last Sunday, all of that faith suddenly came back to me. I realized that my friend was still alive, and that was only by the Grace of God.
On Wednesday night I broke. Everything caught up to me all at once and I could do nothing but cry. And that's exactly what I did. I looked around me and there were others in tears as well. Then, I realized that THIS is what reality looks like. Through the majority of the struggles that I've gone through, I've numbed my pain.. And now I realize that feeling pain isn't so much a bad thing. Towards the end of the night, I saw one of the strongest men that I know break down in tears while reading me Psalm 56.3, "When I'm afraid, I put my trust in YOU" and that's what I've begun doing. I'm scared, terrified actually, we all are, but I know that this IS God's will. Everything good and everything bad is all in God's plan for us. Expect the unexpected is also something that I've learned to live by this past week. And, miracles CAN happen; and I've witnessed a mircale happening in one of the most amazing boys I've ever met in my life.
I now believe more than I ever have that God is all we need. He is our Salvation. He is Healer, He is stronger, He is greater, He is awesome in power, He is higher than any other.. HE. IS. GOD. and HE. IS. GOOD!
Dear Lord Jesus,
I'm chasing after you, I want your heart
Thank you for your unconditional love
I praise you because you are not a God of coincidence
Everything happens for a reason and no matter what it looks like its always for my good!
Thank you for the times I felt like I was going to faint
Thank you for carrying me when I did
Thank you for Your correction that pulls me from destruction every time I lose my way
Thank you for being a faithful God who supplies needs, opens doors, answers prayers, and forgives before I can say Amen
Lord, please remove anyone/thing that competes with my relationship with You
Forgive me for foolishly seeking fulfillment outside of you
Thank you for showing me how frail I am, while assuring me of how strong I can be, if I stay faithful to my covenant relationship with You
You know I desire to walk in total obedience to Your will
Please guide me, and hold my hand, as I enter into a new life
Thank you Jesus, I can finally see the sun and feel its warmth on my skin
In the precious name of Jesus I pray, Amen.
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