Just add water.

I'm finally coming to the end of myself...It all started when I was admiring walking art.
Walking art is a person whose personal expression of self is bold and direct to who they are on the inside. It's all there, presented beautifully and unashamed. I love it because it's unapologetic. For the past almost 6 months, I've spent a lot of time apologizing or desperately trying to explain my character. I realized that if I presented my true self instead of hiding it, I probably wouldn't have to be so defensive...lesson learned.

Then Peter and the apostles replied, We must obey God rather than men.

HELLO MY NAME IS (insert your name here) AND I'M A (insert whatever your friends want you to be here) aka... HELLO MY NAME IS KAELEN AND I'M BITCHY, A FRIEND, A GIRL FRIEND, A BEST FRIEND, A LOVER, A DRINKER/SMOKER, A SOCCER PLAYER, A CRAZY KID.
My life is a series of walls. I've created a faux character that is acceptable, but at the same time it suppresses the real me...therefore, everything crafted for that faux character is killing me. In the past few weeks I've been dealing with a growing desire to shed this character to really embrace me. This idea is always combatted with, but what will they think? Then my true self replies, "Life is short, do you seriously want to suffocate another day?" Then the faux character says, " Well, what are you going to do?" With that question the dialogue ends with a collective, "I don't Know." All I know is that I'm tired of the iconform uniform, I just want to live.


I've decided to take steps towards happiness and freedom with each decision I make from here on out. Decisions will be based on what will make me happy and of course being lead by the Holy Spirit, so that I stay in the will of God. I just started and I'm already out of breath, it's hard. There is a storm going on in my life right now and I am so ready to run and jump ship. I keep praying, but what I hear from God is not what I want to hear. I want Him to say yes, you can jump and run. Instead, He talks about how He will protect me and He keeps reminding me that this is for my good...I also sought counsel on what I should do and both individuals said that we are to wear the full armor of God, remembering there is no protection for our backs, because God never intended for us to run. Furthermore, at this time in my life no one can help me. I hurt in places ONLY God can touch.


In the past two weeks I've also learned a few life lessons about dating. Ladies, if you meet someone and notice that time and time again that person shows himself to be inconsistent, don't expect that person to change. That person is showing you who they truly are and where you are in their list of priorities. If you continually hear the Holy Spirit telling you that this person is a liar and means no good for you BELIEVE IT. Never take the word of a fleshly being over the comforter,counselor, advocate and friend that we call the Holy Spirit. About three years ago, I met someone I normally wouldn't consider dating, but recently out of loneliness I settled and compromised. This gave room to the enemy in the area of my emotions. Of course, the relationship ended and I was left to bear and carry resentment, anger and loneliness. Did you notice that the initial area of weakness was still there? I realized the space in my heart that feels empty is meant to be filled by God not a man or material things. Also notice that I started with one weakness, opened myself to attack and was left with two infections. Be mindful of your weaknesses and don't think you can handle them on your own. Present them to God and seek healing...The other sad part about the situation is that no matter what I did, that person would have never appreciated me and he never intended to. How do I know? because, He never acknowledged my value or my worth in Christ. I say that, for those of you who think, that maybe if you dressed differently or weren't so proper or didn't talk so much etc, etc..

Well I am here to tell you, that you are a woman of virtue and you're perfect the way God made you. When we need improvement, God tears us down to build us back up. The enemy tears down to keep down and ultimately destroy.
God is made strong in your weakness. The enemy depends/pursues your weakness and wants you to stay that way.
The joy of the Lord is your strength. The enemy wants to steal your joy..get it?


There is so much going on, but the Lord is aware of it all. Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not to your own understanding. He promised us abundant (blessed, happy, favored, to be envied) life. Let's live it! Let's go through the tests and trials expecting Victory. Joyce Meyer said, we're fighting from Victory, not in pursuit of it, because God has already given it to us.

Is your life like mine, flavorful, but still dry? Just add water.

Counsel in the heart of man is like water in a deep well, but a man of understanding draws it out. Proverbs 20:5 (AMP)

Behold, God, my salvation! I will trust and not be afraid, for the Lord God is my strength and song; yes, He has become my salvation.Therefore with joy will you draw water from the wells of salvation. And in that day you will say, Give thanks to the Lord, call upon His name and by means of His name [in solemn entreaty]; declare and make known His deeds among the peoples of the earth, proclaim that His name is exalted! Isaiah 12:2-4 (AMP)
God Says: You Shall Live and Not Die