Ramblings..

I was frustrated Tuesday evening.
I was dealing with the issues I have regarding church, church folk and completely clueless about what God wanted me to do...

I stayed up until 4am reading old messages of encouragement, listening to songs that usually give me strength, and staring at the ceiling. I went to bed, then went right back to it in the morning. The word says if we seek, we will find and if we draw near to Him, He will draw near to us. So I kept looking...Wednesday evening, I was still searching. I gave in to the texts, calls, and facebook messages and went back to MMBC for the night..

Me and a friend discussed unity, love for others and the Ten Commandments.
Read scriptures (Psalms 133) (1 John 4:19-21) (Exodus 20).
He said:
1.) The first five commandments discuss our relationship with God and the last five commandments discuss our relationship with others.
2.) We show our relationship with God in how we treat others.
3.) Be mindful of the dialogue we have within our hearts.

In regards to matters of the heart, the Bible says, "For the word of God is living and active and sharper than any two-edged sword, and piercing as far as the division of soul and spirit, of both joints and marrow and able to judge the thoughts and intentions of the heart".

As a "born leader", I'm self-sufficient.
I naturally lead in group situations to keep others focused on the goal. Now, don't get me wrong, there have been times when I did not want the responsibility of leadership; yet found myself playing the role, because things were falling behind. I usually have a very low tolerance for disorganization..
Therefore, I don't trust people; I'd rather do everything by myself because I trust me (most of the time). So I thought to myself, if my relationship with others is a mirror image of my relationship with God, Do I really trust God? Am I in His way? I surrendered... Right?

That bothered me on the ride home, so I dove into His word. I'm hard-headed so sometimes...okay, most of the time, I need God to slap me with answers. He answered. While reading Hebrews chapters 4 and 12, He told me my current position in life is a lesson of humility, because I'm prideful. In other words, if my group was Destiny's Child I'd play Beyonce.. Right now, I believe God is asking me to play a supporting role. To learn how to become self-less, hence more like Him.

How do I know that's what He said? God speaks to us in different ways, so my experience may differ from yours. Nevertheless, I know it was Him because when He speaks a feeling of peace and enlightenment comes over me. Everything gets quiet (even quiet gets quiet) and in that moment everything makes sense.


Pride is not of God. We are supposed to strive to be like Christ.

I know this little lesson is not meant to discourage me, it's meant to strengthen me, so that God can use me for His glory, not mine. If anybody supports me in my pursuit of "Joy”, (people keep telling me that happiness fades) it's the Lord, that is why God has my heart under construction. In order to please Him, I have to be teachable. How far will I get if think I know everything? NO WHERE.

"So that your trust may be in the Lord, I teach you today, even you" Proverbs 22:19

God is asking me to trust him "fully". In other words, He has countered my prayers with "How bad do you want it?" and "Are you willing to trust me completely?" I am certain that I love and trust God, BUT in certain areas of my life, I have him in a box.


Have you ever given a gift to a child, to watch in confusion as he/she plays with the box? Well, that's what I'm doing.. I've taken the wrapping paper off of God, pressed his buttons and watched Him illuminate my life, but in my "pride" I failed to notice that He comes with ALL power in his hands and accessories like grace, mercy,peace,joy,victory,love,virtue,abundance,salvation,justice,truth etc, and He's equipped to handle any situation that occurs in my life.

In previous posts I shared that I have made great leaps in faith and character in the past year, but that is no reason to get a big head, I have a long way to go. I am a work in progress. God did not reveal my purpose, but he revealed something I have to get rid of in order to reach it! Truth be told, if He showed me, it wouldn't matter, because I'm not ready to handle it anyway!

Thank God for answered prayer, I'm on the right track and I'm RUNNING FOR MY LIFE.