"Victorious in Victoria!"

It wasn't until this past week/weekend until I realized how "helpful" I am to two different groups of people. I announced via facebook status that I would be leaving the church I have been at for the past year; the response was very unexpected, and for the most part it wasn't a positive response. My soccer team left early Thursday morning for a tournament in Victoria, TX (which we placed first in), and after the first game multiple players on the team, including my coach, said "I don't know what this team would do without you."

I began to look at things differently all weekend.
I tried to stay off of facebook as much as possible, and the one time that I checked it I had a message from a friend that read this:

I've been trying to think of something to say that would encourage you that I haven't already said before. Words that you wouldn't roll your eyes at and immediately delete. Words that would warm your heart and make you feel loved, important, special, cherished... Words besides turtle, princess, and Timmy. ;)

You are not trash. You are beautiful, Kaelen, inside and out. (It's no wonder Landon does whatever you want. He knows he's a lucky guy.) I watch you with the Buell kids, with Abby, with Christian, with Brody... you are amazing with them. They are drawn to you, trust you, want to do what you do. You are a role model. And your impact doesn't stop with small children. I watched you (in your signature funny way) teach Emily Livingston how to tie a scarf. You broke your finger making Nathan Batts feel loved. You made Mr. and Mrs. Batts smile during their darkest days. You ignored your phone and listened to Nan. You were the first to take care of Emily Burgess when she found out Nick died. You are the person Eron requests to make him laugh. You go visit your middle school teacher. You play soccer in pain so you don't let your team down. You have dinner dates with your Peepaw. The moral of the story is that you are there for people when they need you.

And you love Jesus. Yeah. I still watch you worship sometimes because it's a reminder to me of what it should look like. You are never more confident than you seem to be when you're worshiping your Savior. And I love that when you learn something from scripture you are quick to share it with others.

I've told you everyday for months now that I love you, because I don't want there to be any doubt in your mind... good days, bad days, mad-at-me days, love-me-lots days, sick days, every.day. Nobody else in my life has heard it as often. Legit. I love you, Kaelen Nicole Sherman. Most. No matter what.
1 Thessalonians 2:8

Just days before I had been called a "slut" and "trash", all because someone heard something about me that wasn't true and tried to ruin my relationship. I was told that I was worthless and I had no reason to live, because no one wanted me here.. And it put me back into the dark place I was in before Winter Retreat 2009, I was ready to give up and give in and just believe them. I left for the weekend with people from MMBC texting and calling asking why I was "abandoning" them, and the only thing I could say was "I just want something new."

I'm one of those people that doesn't stick with the same thing for long unless it's good for me. MMBC has been more than good for me, but at this point it is just the "normal", and I need something more than that. I've been thinking about this for a long time and in CO this past December; I had a long 45 minute discussion with a good friend of mine. He told me that he would go visit a new church with me, he told me to do what I felt was right for me, and to go for what I wanted if what I wanted was what would be best for me. Nick was right, that's what I should do; and that's what I am going to do. My "best friend" wants nothing to do with me now because she thinks I'm bailing, but I'm doing what is going to hopefully make me happy. Others were sad just because they'd miss me, and apparently because "there is no one else like me at Mckinney." And then I have that one or two people who supported me, and then the one who was all for letting me go, but who is no longer with us..

As for my team; I scored 5 goals total within the three games we played in tournament, received the MVP award, and "made the whole tourney more fun." They kept saying they didn't know what they'd do without me.. Then I look back and see how I've stuck with playing soccer for 13 years, and it's normal for me..

How can playing soccer every day of my life be normal and ok with me more so than attending a church two times a week that I've only been at for a year...? It doesn't make sense to me, and I'm beginning to regret my decision on switching churches now more than I expected to..