Under construction.

The Holy Spirit said, "The confirmation you just received was supposed to be your revelation"

I've been trying to resist a calloused heart. But, of course the last thing I wanted to hear, was what I had to do...I was like, "God, why is it that, every time we talk, there's always something I've gotta do?" When I'm stable I can understand his correction to be love, for my good and a chance to be who He promised I was. When I'm unstable (overwhelmed, bombarded by life and all of it's circumstances) I receive His correction as scolding and I feel beaten.

I can admit, that I don't know who I am and I don't know what I'm doing. The reality is that I've adopted a myriad of personalities while trying to discover who I truly am. I'm a young woman and a little girl in many ways. Sometimes, I feel so small and unimportant. Sometimes, I just stare at people wondering if they really see me...
There's a war going on inside me.

So, I confessed, "I thought I knew how to be in relationship with You, but I don't...show me how."
I keep thinking about this statement:
Your relationships with people are a representation of your relationship with God.
It's true. I do not honor people the way I'm supposed to. It all depends on my mood, sometimes I feel outgoing, other times I don't. When I don't feel outgoing, I can speak to someone without remembering their face or name and honestly, not caring because I'm so lost in my own thoughts... I realized I treat the Holy Spirit the same way... He's always speaking to me, but because I don't always feel outgoing or open, I respond with a shallow, "Ok". Without truly taking the time to appreciate Him for choosing me for that word at that moment.

Which brings me back to my original point of concern: "The confirmation you just received, was supposed to be your revelation". Meaning the confirmation was meant to be an outflow and not an inflow. He tried to send it to me, but it bounced back. SO he had to send it through another vessel-an open one. I'm disappointed, because I keep missing God. If I don't get it right, His plans for me will be null and void and He will be forced to choose someone else to carry out His plan. I want to shed where I am and who I know myself to be for where I'm going and who God created me to be..

My request: Have mercy on me and please be patient with me. I'm changing. I know you can't see it, neither can I, but something is going on, on the inside. HE is at work in me.

I'm Under Construction=Under His Will
He Shall Perfect Me and since He has begun the work, He is faithful to complete it