I was frustrated Tuesday evening.
I was dealing with the issues I have regarding church, church folk and completely clueless about what God wanted me to do...
I stayed up until 4am reading old messages of encouragement, listening to songs that usually give me strength, and staring at the ceiling. I went to bed, then went right back to it in the morning. The word says if we seek, we will find and if we draw near to Him, He will draw near to us. So I kept looking...Wednesday evening, I was still searching. I gave in to the texts, calls, and facebook messages and went back to MMBC for the night..
Me and a friend discussed unity, love for others and the Ten Commandments.
Read scriptures (Psalms 133) (1 John 4:19-21) (Exodus 20).
He said:
1.) The first five commandments discuss our relationship with God and the last five commandments discuss our relationship with others.
2.) We show our relationship with God in how we treat others.
3.) Be mindful of the dialogue we have within our hearts.
In regards to matters of the heart, the Bible says, "For the word of God is living and active and sharper than any two-edged sword, and piercing as far as the division of soul and spirit, of both joints and marrow and able to judge the thoughts and intentions of the heart".
As a "born leader", I'm self-sufficient.
I naturally lead in group situations to keep others focused on the goal. Now, don't get me wrong, there have been times when I did not want the responsibility of leadership; yet found myself playing the role, because things were falling behind. I usually have a very low tolerance for disorganization..
Therefore, I don't trust people; I'd rather do everything by myself because I trust me (most of the time). So I thought to myself, if my relationship with others is a mirror image of my relationship with God, Do I really trust God? Am I in His way? I surrendered... Right?
That bothered me on the ride home, so I dove into His word. I'm hard-headed so sometimes...okay, most of the time, I need God to slap me with answers. He answered. While reading Hebrews chapters 4 and 12, He told me my current position in life is a lesson of humility, because I'm prideful. In other words, if my group was Destiny's Child I'd play Beyonce.. Right now, I believe God is asking me to play a supporting role. To learn how to become self-less, hence more like Him.
How do I know that's what He said? God speaks to us in different ways, so my experience may differ from yours. Nevertheless, I know it was Him because when He speaks a feeling of peace and enlightenment comes over me. Everything gets quiet (even quiet gets quiet) and in that moment everything makes sense.
Pride is not of God. We are supposed to strive to be like Christ.
I know this little lesson is not meant to discourage me, it's meant to strengthen me, so that God can use me for His glory, not mine. If anybody supports me in my pursuit of "Joy”, (people keep telling me that happiness fades) it's the Lord, that is why God has my heart under construction. In order to please Him, I have to be teachable. How far will I get if think I know everything? NO WHERE.
"So that your trust may be in the Lord, I teach you today, even you" Proverbs 22:19
God is asking me to trust him "fully". In other words, He has countered my prayers with "How bad do you want it?" and "Are you willing to trust me completely?" I am certain that I love and trust God, BUT in certain areas of my life, I have him in a box.
Have you ever given a gift to a child, to watch in confusion as he/she plays with the box? Well, that's what I'm doing.. I've taken the wrapping paper off of God, pressed his buttons and watched Him illuminate my life, but in my "pride" I failed to notice that He comes with ALL power in his hands and accessories like grace, mercy,peace,joy,victory,love,virtue,abundance,salvation,justice,truth etc, and He's equipped to handle any situation that occurs in my life.
In previous posts I shared that I have made great leaps in faith and character in the past year, but that is no reason to get a big head, I have a long way to go. I am a work in progress. God did not reveal my purpose, but he revealed something I have to get rid of in order to reach it! Truth be told, if He showed me, it wouldn't matter, because I'm not ready to handle it anyway!
Thank God for answered prayer, I'm on the right track and I'm RUNNING FOR MY LIFE.
"Victorious in Victoria!"
It wasn't until this past week/weekend until I realized how "helpful" I am to two different groups of people. I announced via facebook status that I would be leaving the church I have been at for the past year; the response was very unexpected, and for the most part it wasn't a positive response. My soccer team left early Thursday morning for a tournament in Victoria, TX (which we placed first in), and after the first game multiple players on the team, including my coach, said "I don't know what this team would do without you."
I began to look at things differently all weekend.
I tried to stay off of facebook as much as possible, and the one time that I checked it I had a message from a friend that read this:
I've been trying to think of something to say that would encourage you that I haven't already said before. Words that you wouldn't roll your eyes at and immediately delete. Words that would warm your heart and make you feel loved, important, special, cherished... Words besides turtle, princess, and Timmy. ;)
You are not trash. You are beautiful, Kaelen, inside and out. (It's no wonder Landon does whatever you want. He knows he's a lucky guy.) I watch you with the Buell kids, with Abby, with Christian, with Brody... you are amazing with them. They are drawn to you, trust you, want to do what you do. You are a role model. And your impact doesn't stop with small children. I watched you (in your signature funny way) teach Emily Livingston how to tie a scarf. You broke your finger making Nathan Batts feel loved. You made Mr. and Mrs. Batts smile during their darkest days. You ignored your phone and listened to Nan. You were the first to take care of Emily Burgess when she found out Nick died. You are the person Eron requests to make him laugh. You go visit your middle school teacher. You play soccer in pain so you don't let your team down. You have dinner dates with your Peepaw. The moral of the story is that you are there for people when they need you.
And you love Jesus. Yeah. I still watch you worship sometimes because it's a reminder to me of what it should look like. You are never more confident than you seem to be when you're worshiping your Savior. And I love that when you learn something from scripture you are quick to share it with others.
I've told you everyday for months now that I love you, because I don't want there to be any doubt in your mind... good days, bad days, mad-at-me days, love-me-lots days, sick days, every.day. Nobody else in my life has heard it as often. Legit. I love you, Kaelen Nicole Sherman. Most. No matter what.
1 Thessalonians 2:8
Just days before I had been called a "slut" and "trash", all because someone heard something about me that wasn't true and tried to ruin my relationship. I was told that I was worthless and I had no reason to live, because no one wanted me here.. And it put me back into the dark place I was in before Winter Retreat 2009, I was ready to give up and give in and just believe them. I left for the weekend with people from MMBC texting and calling asking why I was "abandoning" them, and the only thing I could say was "I just want something new."
I'm one of those people that doesn't stick with the same thing for long unless it's good for me. MMBC has been more than good for me, but at this point it is just the "normal", and I need something more than that. I've been thinking about this for a long time and in CO this past December; I had a long 45 minute discussion with a good friend of mine. He told me that he would go visit a new church with me, he told me to do what I felt was right for me, and to go for what I wanted if what I wanted was what would be best for me. Nick was right, that's what I should do; and that's what I am going to do. My "best friend" wants nothing to do with me now because she thinks I'm bailing, but I'm doing what is going to hopefully make me happy. Others were sad just because they'd miss me, and apparently because "there is no one else like me at Mckinney." And then I have that one or two people who supported me, and then the one who was all for letting me go, but who is no longer with us..
As for my team; I scored 5 goals total within the three games we played in tournament, received the MVP award, and "made the whole tourney more fun." They kept saying they didn't know what they'd do without me.. Then I look back and see how I've stuck with playing soccer for 13 years, and it's normal for me..
How can playing soccer every day of my life be normal and ok with me more so than attending a church two times a week that I've only been at for a year...? It doesn't make sense to me, and I'm beginning to regret my decision on switching churches now more than I expected to..
I began to look at things differently all weekend.
I tried to stay off of facebook as much as possible, and the one time that I checked it I had a message from a friend that read this:
I've been trying to think of something to say that would encourage you that I haven't already said before. Words that you wouldn't roll your eyes at and immediately delete. Words that would warm your heart and make you feel loved, important, special, cherished... Words besides turtle, princess, and Timmy. ;)
You are not trash. You are beautiful, Kaelen, inside and out. (It's no wonder Landon does whatever you want. He knows he's a lucky guy.) I watch you with the Buell kids, with Abby, with Christian, with Brody... you are amazing with them. They are drawn to you, trust you, want to do what you do. You are a role model. And your impact doesn't stop with small children. I watched you (in your signature funny way) teach Emily Livingston how to tie a scarf. You broke your finger making Nathan Batts feel loved. You made Mr. and Mrs. Batts smile during their darkest days. You ignored your phone and listened to Nan. You were the first to take care of Emily Burgess when she found out Nick died. You are the person Eron requests to make him laugh. You go visit your middle school teacher. You play soccer in pain so you don't let your team down. You have dinner dates with your Peepaw. The moral of the story is that you are there for people when they need you.
And you love Jesus. Yeah. I still watch you worship sometimes because it's a reminder to me of what it should look like. You are never more confident than you seem to be when you're worshiping your Savior. And I love that when you learn something from scripture you are quick to share it with others.
I've told you everyday for months now that I love you, because I don't want there to be any doubt in your mind... good days, bad days, mad-at-me days, love-me-lots days, sick days, every.day. Nobody else in my life has heard it as often. Legit. I love you, Kaelen Nicole Sherman. Most. No matter what.
1 Thessalonians 2:8
Just days before I had been called a "slut" and "trash", all because someone heard something about me that wasn't true and tried to ruin my relationship. I was told that I was worthless and I had no reason to live, because no one wanted me here.. And it put me back into the dark place I was in before Winter Retreat 2009, I was ready to give up and give in and just believe them. I left for the weekend with people from MMBC texting and calling asking why I was "abandoning" them, and the only thing I could say was "I just want something new."
I'm one of those people that doesn't stick with the same thing for long unless it's good for me. MMBC has been more than good for me, but at this point it is just the "normal", and I need something more than that. I've been thinking about this for a long time and in CO this past December; I had a long 45 minute discussion with a good friend of mine. He told me that he would go visit a new church with me, he told me to do what I felt was right for me, and to go for what I wanted if what I wanted was what would be best for me. Nick was right, that's what I should do; and that's what I am going to do. My "best friend" wants nothing to do with me now because she thinks I'm bailing, but I'm doing what is going to hopefully make me happy. Others were sad just because they'd miss me, and apparently because "there is no one else like me at Mckinney." And then I have that one or two people who supported me, and then the one who was all for letting me go, but who is no longer with us..
As for my team; I scored 5 goals total within the three games we played in tournament, received the MVP award, and "made the whole tourney more fun." They kept saying they didn't know what they'd do without me.. Then I look back and see how I've stuck with playing soccer for 13 years, and it's normal for me..
How can playing soccer every day of my life be normal and ok with me more so than attending a church two times a week that I've only been at for a year...? It doesn't make sense to me, and I'm beginning to regret my decision on switching churches now more than I expected to..
45 Jesus things I learned this year.
So, I was told to write down the top 10 things that I learned in 2010 that had to do with my faith in Jesus. I started to write them down, and I realized how many things I learned. I got to 45.. There are more, I'm sure, but I should be studying for finals.. So, I stopped at 45 for now.. Here they go.. (in no particular order)
1.) My relationships with people reflect my relationship with God
2.) It's impossible to be honest with the Lord if you cannot be honest with yourself. Lasting relationships are built on honesty
3.) God sees every weakness and knows every secret, but He loves us anyway
4.) The Lord speaks at all times, but listening is a choice
5.) Jesus died so that you could live the best life possible, the only person that can hinder your growth is you
6.) Through Christ we have the power to be joyful, even in times of heartbreak
7.) The joy of the Lord is our strength
8.) God's call or plan for our life is non-negotiable, just accept it, agree with Him for the best results and the greatest performance
9.) We're made to handle each obstacle that dares to step in our way, don't be discouraged, the Lord has already gone ahead of us
10.) Our first love and commitment is to the Lord, give Him your best and your all
11.) Living for God leads to a much more productive life than living for something else
12.) The best place to be is in the will of God
13.) Fulfillment/approval can only be found in God, be aware of the enemy; he specializes in cliche fulfillment
14.) Forgive, so the Lord can hear and honor your prayers
15.) Show mercy like Jesus, we are all flawed, forgive those who offend you, sometimes they don't realize the hurt in their words/actions
16.) Don't be afraid to fall in love with Jesus, it's the safest and most fulfilling relationship you can have
17.) In order to live an abundant life, we must stay connected to the source
18.) He loved us, before we loved him
19.) Praise closes the gap when there is distance in our relationship
20.) Without the Bible we would be lost
21.) It's hard, but try to embrace periods of loneliness, after all you're never really alone and it usually means God wants to speak to you personally
22.) Don't be afraid to tell the Lord your desires, fears, or troubles it's ok to admit your frailty to Him, it's often the first step to becoming whole. So get naked. ;)
23.) Humility is key, the Lord prefers clay over stone
24.) Strive to see yourself through God's eyes
25.) Be willing to let go of characteristics that you think make you who you are...they may be imperfections you've accepted that were not included in God's original design
26.) We don't have to be sick, healing is available by faith to all who believe
27.) Serve God's people, be ready and willing to wash the feet of others(i hate feet, but you know what i'm trying to get at here..right?) :)
28.) The only one you must know to rise to the top is Christ.
29.) Life is meant to be lived and enjoyed, not gloomy or limited to the church walls, LIVE. Living for God doesn't mean you cannot wear pants, laugh, dance or try new things
30.) We will be known by our love. Love people. Make a big impression with love- smile, give eye contact, don't be afraid to hug a stranger, listen as long as they need you to, you may save a life...let's defeat suicide. Make everyone feel like they matter, because they do.
31.) If you see someone with a need and feel led by the Holy Spirit to give something away; Do It.
32.) Live righteous, even when nobody is looking. God honors righteous living/thoughts/prayer done in private
33.) Don't be afraid to worship the Lord in front of people...try to forget they are there, it could be your last chance..
34.) We're Human. Sometimes we make mistakes, or say and do things we know aren't right. ASK for forgiveness then move on. Once you've repented, it's forgotten by God and you are wiped clean. There is no condemnation in Christ Jesus, so don't continue to beat yourself up after He's forgiven you. REMEMBER: Don't Judge other people, remember your own sin and Choose to LOVE instead.
35.) When you have nothing, you discover how wealthy you are...watch the Lord provide.
36.) There is no need to fear death
37.) God doesn't need your help, nor does He need your opinion...the same goes with people if they don't ask for your opinion, strive to keep your mouth shut, and to do each task as unto the Lord, obedience honors Him.
38.) Pride comes from insecurity and feelings of entitlement...it will kill you and halt God's plan, ask the Lord to help you conquer it
39.) We represent Christ-Be mindful of how you make Him look...LOVE.
40.) God wants to be involved in EVERY area of your life
41.) Broken people create broken relationships...God offered His best, which was His son Jesus Christ. We should offer our best to each other...you cannot have a successful/ healthy relationship without first being in a successful/ healthy relationship with the Lord.
42.) Don't settle or lower your standards for a potential partner, think of who you belong to, He didn't send His Son for you to have a mediocre relationship. Don't give up on your God given destiny.
43.) If your in a relationship with someone who is not saved nor seeking a relationship with Christ as instructed in the Bible- move on. He or she is a distraction the reward is behind the next door.
44.) Exceed expectations...our Father in heaven does.
45.) If you are in need of a role model or inspiration look at Christ.
Of course I slip and I don't live by what the 45 things above say. But that's what I have learned. I guess right now I can add a 46th lesson I've learned...
46.) Psalm 56:3 - When I'm afraid, I put my trust in You.
At the end of 2010, this verse got me through so much. It also helped recreate a friendship that had always failed before. It's funny to look back and see how two really bad, traumatic events can bring so many people together as One in Christ. So, number 46 is.. When you are afraid, put your trust in Christ; trust me, it helps.
1.) My relationships with people reflect my relationship with God
2.) It's impossible to be honest with the Lord if you cannot be honest with yourself. Lasting relationships are built on honesty
3.) God sees every weakness and knows every secret, but He loves us anyway
4.) The Lord speaks at all times, but listening is a choice
5.) Jesus died so that you could live the best life possible, the only person that can hinder your growth is you
6.) Through Christ we have the power to be joyful, even in times of heartbreak
7.) The joy of the Lord is our strength
8.) God's call or plan for our life is non-negotiable, just accept it, agree with Him for the best results and the greatest performance
9.) We're made to handle each obstacle that dares to step in our way, don't be discouraged, the Lord has already gone ahead of us
10.) Our first love and commitment is to the Lord, give Him your best and your all
11.) Living for God leads to a much more productive life than living for something else
12.) The best place to be is in the will of God
13.) Fulfillment/approval can only be found in God, be aware of the enemy; he specializes in cliche fulfillment
14.) Forgive, so the Lord can hear and honor your prayers
15.) Show mercy like Jesus, we are all flawed, forgive those who offend you, sometimes they don't realize the hurt in their words/actions
16.) Don't be afraid to fall in love with Jesus, it's the safest and most fulfilling relationship you can have
17.) In order to live an abundant life, we must stay connected to the source
18.) He loved us, before we loved him
19.) Praise closes the gap when there is distance in our relationship
20.) Without the Bible we would be lost
21.) It's hard, but try to embrace periods of loneliness, after all you're never really alone and it usually means God wants to speak to you personally
22.) Don't be afraid to tell the Lord your desires, fears, or troubles it's ok to admit your frailty to Him, it's often the first step to becoming whole. So get naked. ;)
23.) Humility is key, the Lord prefers clay over stone
24.) Strive to see yourself through God's eyes
25.) Be willing to let go of characteristics that you think make you who you are...they may be imperfections you've accepted that were not included in God's original design
26.) We don't have to be sick, healing is available by faith to all who believe
27.) Serve God's people, be ready and willing to wash the feet of others(i hate feet, but you know what i'm trying to get at here..right?) :)
28.) The only one you must know to rise to the top is Christ.
29.) Life is meant to be lived and enjoyed, not gloomy or limited to the church walls, LIVE. Living for God doesn't mean you cannot wear pants, laugh, dance or try new things
30.) We will be known by our love. Love people. Make a big impression with love- smile, give eye contact, don't be afraid to hug a stranger, listen as long as they need you to, you may save a life...let's defeat suicide. Make everyone feel like they matter, because they do.
31.) If you see someone with a need and feel led by the Holy Spirit to give something away; Do It.
32.) Live righteous, even when nobody is looking. God honors righteous living/thoughts/prayer done in private
33.) Don't be afraid to worship the Lord in front of people...try to forget they are there, it could be your last chance..
34.) We're Human. Sometimes we make mistakes, or say and do things we know aren't right. ASK for forgiveness then move on. Once you've repented, it's forgotten by God and you are wiped clean. There is no condemnation in Christ Jesus, so don't continue to beat yourself up after He's forgiven you. REMEMBER: Don't Judge other people, remember your own sin and Choose to LOVE instead.
35.) When you have nothing, you discover how wealthy you are...watch the Lord provide.
36.) There is no need to fear death
37.) God doesn't need your help, nor does He need your opinion...the same goes with people if they don't ask for your opinion, strive to keep your mouth shut, and to do each task as unto the Lord, obedience honors Him.
38.) Pride comes from insecurity and feelings of entitlement...it will kill you and halt God's plan, ask the Lord to help you conquer it
39.) We represent Christ-Be mindful of how you make Him look...LOVE.
40.) God wants to be involved in EVERY area of your life
41.) Broken people create broken relationships...God offered His best, which was His son Jesus Christ. We should offer our best to each other...you cannot have a successful/ healthy relationship without first being in a successful/ healthy relationship with the Lord.
42.) Don't settle or lower your standards for a potential partner, think of who you belong to, He didn't send His Son for you to have a mediocre relationship. Don't give up on your God given destiny.
43.) If your in a relationship with someone who is not saved nor seeking a relationship with Christ as instructed in the Bible- move on. He or she is a distraction the reward is behind the next door.
44.) Exceed expectations...our Father in heaven does.
45.) If you are in need of a role model or inspiration look at Christ.
Of course I slip and I don't live by what the 45 things above say. But that's what I have learned. I guess right now I can add a 46th lesson I've learned...
46.) Psalm 56:3 - When I'm afraid, I put my trust in You.
At the end of 2010, this verse got me through so much. It also helped recreate a friendship that had always failed before. It's funny to look back and see how two really bad, traumatic events can bring so many people together as One in Christ. So, number 46 is.. When you are afraid, put your trust in Christ; trust me, it helps.
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