Ever just lost it?

Have you ever just been sitting around with your friends having a good time, and then all of a sudden you just feel the need to scream. To jump up and down, throw something and cry.. ever happen to you? Have you ever just lost it?

If you're like me, you hate to cry in front of other people. It's your biggest fear, your biggest insecurity. And when the moment comes where you just can't hold back your tears anymore, you get that awkward lip twitch and your chin starts to shake. You get short of breath and your vision becomes blurry because of the tears forming, and all you can do is fake sneeze and pretend like that produced little baby tears..

It was nothing like that this time. I couldn't help it. I just cried. Burst out into tears when someone asked me about Hunter, and that has NEVER happened before. I don't know why it happened this time, but it did. I think it's one of those "break downs" that I have every so often, but now it won't go away. It's like this never- ending heart break.. Like, no matter what I do to cover up my hurt I will never really be ok. On Novemeber 16th, 2009 I didn't expect this to hurt me this bad. It didn't hurt me this bad, at all actually. And for some reason, almost a year later..I'm struggling like I never have before. I've hit rock bottom....