I look at my face and at the faces of those I love and wonder how did we get here?
I've asked countless times to be transformed and brought forth new... but I didn't know it would cost so much. It's cost me everything, no help in sight. It's just me and God who should be enough...but forgive me, I'm still growing. I'm still guilty of trying to put things/people where only God should be...I'm still guilty of taking matters into my own hands, because sometimes it feels like God is taking His sweet, sweet time...especially when decisions have to be made...
2011 has been a nightmare, for months it's been disaster after disaster and yes, I accept responsibility for causing some of my pain...but I'm not the only one to blame...and for the first time in the span of my years, every one of my friends is going through a war, there's carnage everywhere: separation, rebellion, heartache, rejection, adultery, revenge, anger, death, bitterness, unforgiveness, fornication, strife, homosexuality, poverty, debt...Chaos. I've literally felt my thoughts capsize in a sea of emotion...Lord, I confess I don't know what to do...I'm not ashamed to say, I still don't fully understand who I am, my value, my gifts, my purpose...What am I supposed to do for You?...like a fish out of water, I flop back and forth, gasping and waiting for You to show mercy or end my suffering.
Dear God,
We need you now. We are under attack and it looks like the enemy has the upper hand. Please open our eyes to see the millions of warrior angels surrounding us. Lift up our confidence, set fire to our faith so that the aroma overtakes heaven. We need you, heavenly Father we confess every sin and we ask right now that you would forgive and restore. We thank you right now God, because we know it's not over, we know Lord that the fight is fixed, Jesus give us your strength, control and obedience. Please Lord, don't let us die here, not like this...I'm still growing, but I know this carnage is NOT the work of your hands, you're a loving God, you give life, not death, prosperity instead of lack...Thank you, for allowing me time to roam seemingly alone, just to find my way back to you. I'm grateful for this experience, because I've learned that if no one preaches a word to me, I can preach one to myself. I also learned that you are my preference and my obsession.
What I feel for you is real, You live in the wells of me, I flow for you, naturally. You overtake me, I'm yours no matter where I've been or what I've done, because of your sacrifice on calvary I don't have to beg...so, I've come before you with the needs of many resting on my heart and I don't want to be selfish, so if it's your will to help me last, then so be it. Just as long as you come, you are welcome here and in every situation laid at your feet. I believe that you are able, so with expectation in my heart I will watch and wait for you. Thank you Jesus! You promised to take us from glory to glory, Lord I thank you, because I know there is more glory on the other side of this. Thank you God for restoring my confidence.
In the mighty and matchless name of Jesus I pray and ask all of these things, Amen.
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