Why them and not me?
11/16/09, 9/13/10, 12/23/10, 3/6/11
Hunter was the life of the party, he was the person that could make everyone in a silent room laugh, he was the one who could make anyone smile, he was the one that I could talk to, he was the one that I would run to, he was the one that I could cry in front of, he was the one who would always encourage me and others to give to the less fortunate. He was my first friend in Fort Worth, he was my first kiss, he was my best friend, he was my brother. He was my bug.
Nanny was the only one in the family that was positive through everything, she was always smiling, she was the one who was constantly encouraging, she was the one who would push people to believe in Christ, she was the one to let you eat "bowl down" for breakfast lunch and dinner, she was the one who would let you and all the other cousins slide down the stairs on a blanket, she was the one who would let you play dress up in all her clothes no matter how old you were, she was the one who would wear the "jingle bell" earrings at christmas. She was my Nanny.
Nick was the encourager, he was the one person that I could talk to about anything and not worry about it going to anyone else, he was the only guy that offered to hold my hair when I was sick, he was the one who yelled "my nipples are so hard" while he walked around Colorado without a shirt on, he was the one that would drink 6 energy drinks within ten minutes and ask for another one, he was the one that everyone turned to for help, he was the one that pulled all the ladies. He was one of the best guys at McKinney Memorial Bible Church.
Alexis, Savannah, Tim, Calvin, Vivian, and Nick- they were the ones who would throw all the parties, they were the ones that would be at the parties, they were the ones that you could expect hilarious 4am texts from, they were the lovers and fighters, they were the hard-headed "badasses", they were the ones that could always make someone smile, they were the ones that always knew just how to make me feel better. They were the people that I could always have fun with.
So why couldn't it have been me? I would take their places in a heart beat if I could. I've seen the impact these people have all made on other's lives, and I just wish I could take their pain away. But ever since I lost Hunter, I had always wondered what it would be like if I were gone. What impact would my death have on other people? Would people even care?
Why them, why not me?
Ramblings
Have you ever heard the word of God and walked in it for about a week, only to face and fail a test a few weeks later? Then suddenly you realize the word you heard was meant to be rolled over like cellphone minutes. Why is that? I think... it's because God is still preaching a personal sermon on that word just for you and that situation bumped you off course because you weren't ready.
Update: The wilderness is tough. My experience reminds me of sinking sand. It seems like every move I make even the strategic ones, brings me lower and lower into the earth. It's frustrating and painful, but I've decided to stop struggling, I'm going to lie still and let God do what He wants to do. If I perish, I perish. (spiritually that is).
2 Corinth 5:17 Furthermore, the wilderness is designed to rid us of ourselves, so we can become more like Him.
I've learned that, while I love the Lord very much, I am still holding onto reinforcements. Meaning, I sometimes rely on things and people during certain situations (like a backup plan). But I'm learning that God wants to be my point man. He wants me to come to Him FIRST with EVERYTHING. So every time I look elsewhere for help, I can hear Him say, "Talk to me." "Stop worrying about that, trust me." "I'm here, I care." But, I still get weary. I get weary because His response is not always what I want to hear and sometimes His provision doesn't come when I want it or how I preferred.
But thank God for the Holy Spirit because He reminds me that my life is not my own, I'm not saved for myself and that I shouldn't think too highly of myself and when I really drift, He'll ask, "Who do you think you are?" He'll remind me that I'm meant to carry out the life of Christ and to rejoice in my suffering and responsibility because they are high places. Right?
I read 2 Corinth 6: 1-13.. In my Bible this section is called, " A Suffering Ministry." It really encouraged me. I truly believe that God has called me to do something great and none of this is in vain. It's just another part of the process. I might not be comfortable and I might cry a salty ocean from time to time, but I know my current position is in His plan and at the end of the day that's all that really matters.
I'm in the wilderness building faith that won't tapout, because Jesus didn't.
The Wilderness is Temporary: The God that dwells within me is Eternal. I will outlast, everything/one trying to conquer me.
Update: The wilderness is tough. My experience reminds me of sinking sand. It seems like every move I make even the strategic ones, brings me lower and lower into the earth. It's frustrating and painful, but I've decided to stop struggling, I'm going to lie still and let God do what He wants to do. If I perish, I perish. (spiritually that is).
2 Corinth 5:17 Furthermore, the wilderness is designed to rid us of ourselves, so we can become more like Him.
I've learned that, while I love the Lord very much, I am still holding onto reinforcements. Meaning, I sometimes rely on things and people during certain situations (like a backup plan). But I'm learning that God wants to be my point man. He wants me to come to Him FIRST with EVERYTHING. So every time I look elsewhere for help, I can hear Him say, "Talk to me." "Stop worrying about that, trust me." "I'm here, I care." But, I still get weary. I get weary because His response is not always what I want to hear and sometimes His provision doesn't come when I want it or how I preferred.
But thank God for the Holy Spirit because He reminds me that my life is not my own, I'm not saved for myself and that I shouldn't think too highly of myself and when I really drift, He'll ask, "Who do you think you are?" He'll remind me that I'm meant to carry out the life of Christ and to rejoice in my suffering and responsibility because they are high places. Right?
I read 2 Corinth 6: 1-13.. In my Bible this section is called, " A Suffering Ministry." It really encouraged me. I truly believe that God has called me to do something great and none of this is in vain. It's just another part of the process. I might not be comfortable and I might cry a salty ocean from time to time, but I know my current position is in His plan and at the end of the day that's all that really matters.
I'm in the wilderness building faith that won't tapout, because Jesus didn't.
The Wilderness is Temporary: The God that dwells within me is Eternal. I will outlast, everything/one trying to conquer me.
One of those days..
Everyone has "one of those days", the last month has been full of "those days" for me..
*My boyfriend broke up with me
*6 of my friends died (one being my best friend)
*My boyfriend got back with me
*Then left me again two days later
*Friends left me for "better" friends
*An almost attempt at something life altering
*and a decision to turn everything around
Some days are better than others, but most have been "those days"..
I can only pray that "those days" don't happen as often as they have been, cause I can't deal with anymore of 'em
*My boyfriend broke up with me
*6 of my friends died (one being my best friend)
*My boyfriend got back with me
*Then left me again two days later
*Friends left me for "better" friends
*An almost attempt at something life altering
*and a decision to turn everything around
Some days are better than others, but most have been "those days"..
I can only pray that "those days" don't happen as often as they have been, cause I can't deal with anymore of 'em
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)