Whataweek.

My week of grounding is almost over and I've been asked what I learned this week.. Oh, here comes the list..

I learned..
You are healing me, and You will continue to heal me.
I have the best best friend, sister and the best "mom" in the entire world.
The death of my best friend wasn't my fault.
How to trust even when I don't want to.
That no matter what, You never let go.
That I need help, and I can't do it by myself.

What can I say? It's been a heck of a week. From coming to the painful truth that my best friend is really gone, to saying bye to an old best friend leaving for college. I never thought that I'd be in the position that I'm in. I never saw myself living without Hunter around. I've made it 9 months without him here, now I know I can make it forever. It hurts like hell, and it scares me so much knowing that I won't ever get to see him again. Or that he won't be at my graduation. Or how I won't get to hear his laugh, or finish our "bucket list." It's hard facing it. It's hard to finally say, "he's gone" and then having to believe it... It's hard to trust people when the one person I trusted most left me without even warning me. It's hard saying that I need help, when I've always thought I could do it on my own. It's hard having to see what an impact I've made on some people's lives, knowing that all I've done is disappoint and hurt. It's just, hard.
I'm trying my best to change, and I think I've done a pretty good job so far. But, I'm at my breaking point and I don't how I'm going to handle it. I can just feel a break down coming and I'm scared.. I don't even know when it's going to happen. All I know is, You're healing me. You're healing my broken heart, my addiction, my life.

YOU never let go..even when it feels like everyone else has.

Have mercy on me, O LORD, for I am weak; O LORD, heal me, for my bones are troubled. Psalms 6:2